Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Battyfield's Obervations

I'm pretty blind. I mean it. I've had to wear glasses since grade three or four -- at one point I even had the little string thing that went around my head in case my glasses fell off. So, over the years my eyes have become progressively worse and by now my prescription is -9. That means without corrective lenses I can only see about six inches from my face clearly. Yes, the little "how many fingers am I holding up?" game actually works with the likes of me. Hilarious.

In any case, after my shower today, I decided to tweeze my eyebrows. I do this without my contacts in, so I have to have my face inches from the mirror to do a good job of logging the forest. When your face is that close to your face, you notice a few things:
1. I have wrinkles
2. I have black heads
3. I have zit scars
4. I have car accident scars
5. I have broken capillaries around my nose
6. I have a couple little zits
7. I have a sty by my eye

Attractive. Now, I actually don't have a problem with most of my observations. I'll tell you why:
1. Everyone has wrinkles. They symbolize age, wisdom, laughter. Not bad. Don't mind 'em.
2. You can't really see them unless you're really close, and we have stuff called makeup to cover them up. Plus, there's always Biore.
3. Again, can cover them up.
4. Cover.
5. Cover. And, really, I've been blowing my nose for years, so I'm not overly surprised. Go big or go home.
6. Can cover. Provide hours of entertainment. There are few things more satisfying than a good squirter, too.
7. OK. This is where I stop being positive. These are ANNOYING. They DON'T GO AWAY. You can't pop the things, and every attempt hurts like Hades (and I tried again today, even with my tweezers). They are hard to cover because they are so close to your eye and always remind me of some kind of reptile. My next attempt to destroy the bugger will involve a laser pointer. Be gone inflamed skin gland! Be gone!

Last, but not lease, because I'm painting myself in such an attractive light today, I thought I'd leave you with a little picture of me enjoying my Spring Break.



Knitted Newfoundland socks, flannel, Value Village, hoodie, book. Oh, and pearl earrings (not in picture).

HAWT!

4 comments:

Allana & Ian said...

Wow, and I thought my -7.5 eyes were bad! I can relate to the nose-this-close-to-the-mirror eyebrow plucking..and the ensuing observations about ones facial flaws/features.

beim said...

I've got a scar on my nose from a falling drain pipe that fell from twenty feet and hit me between the eyes (literally). Somebody told me once "there is something spiritual about scars." I have no idea what that means.

Anonymous said...

If I had a dime for every evening that I spent up too late staring at my pores.....I'd, uh, have a lot of annoying change.

I'm -5.0ish, and have to feel the way back to my room after taking out my lenses at night. Thank goodness for corrective lenses-long live the Magoo gene!!

Anonymous said...

it's true... I caved on my facebook resolution. I'm weak- but I'm still in total agreeance with you!