Licking

Remember that Seinfeld show? Well, I sure do; in fact, I find it quite brilliant. There are many episodes that I carry around in my heart of hearts.

So, I'm working on invitations, see, and one such episode pops into my head: where George's fiance (Carol??) is licking envelopes and DIES. Right. So here I am, readying myself for the massive lick-fest, and I can't help but pause. Am I willing to DIE for this? Do I want to get married so bad that I will risk DYING? (This could be the beginning of a very deep inner scrutiny, but I will save you from that for today.)

Then my little brain went a step further. I'm pretty sick right now. I'm on my SECOND day of not going to work (which is saying a lot, cuz I hardly ever call in sick). I have one of those viruses that would wipe out the motherboard of your computer, that could fill the rivers with phlegm (and be much more of a concern than the ice caps melting), and that makes a chronic smoker's cough look like child's play. And I plan on smearing this virus ALL OVER every single envelope. Awesomeness!!

So, either I will die whilst licking, or I will pass on a nasty virus to the unsuspecting innocent.

Maybe I should go buy a sponge or something. Or just make Andy do all the work and have a nap instead. Ooh, I like the latter.