Breathe

Like many of us, I have cried so hard that my body wrenched and fell, and my hands found themselves clutching, clawing, attacking the carpet. I have cried from so far down within me, finally, that I didn't even care that snot was dripping out of my nose at the same rate as tears falling from my eyes. I have cried out in the darkness, not knowing what to do with the pain, not wanting to even move for fear it would all get so much worse. I have felt a loss so deep, so disappointing, that my pain became a veil that made it hard to see, to walk, to feel anything else.

But I am human. I expect that life will be painful. I am not blind; I see all around me evidence of fires within and fires without. No one is exempt. (Is it morbid to find that strangely comforting?) All of us recognize the different faces of our pain and could recount every detail, every wrinkle, every expression. Some of us have made --or paid for-- elaborate masks to cover them up; others have found dark places to hide them away. I would wager, though, that all of us find it difficult to look these faces in the eye.

Sometimes it seems that we should just give up. Why should we bother to live in a world where we can expect something so destructive, so horrendous, so heavy? That doesn't seem very fair, does it? This is a place where people die, sometimes over and over again. I want a place where people LIVE with every step and every breath.

But there IS hope. It is PROMISED to us.

"The thief comes only to steal and to kill and destroy; I have come that [you] may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

Today is Good Friday. It is a day to remember that God did not leave us in our pain --did not forget us-- though we deserve every desertion. He provided a way out of this mess that we so easily create.

Silence fills a formless void

darkness spills over the deep

the Spirit of the Lord hovering

then you breathe

You spoke the word

life begins

You spoke the word

life begins

deep calls to deep wondering

then you breathe

everything begins here

but You saw more

everything begins here

You must have known

You'd shed Your blood for me

Dust to flesh

You formed a man

who falls from grace and knows his sin

but love chose redemption

love chose redemption

And you breathe

You sent Your Son and all is well

("Breathe" by Matt Brouwer and Jill Paquette)